Why me?
by mochaspice
Summary: What happens when the truth is revealed to Lily, will it be accepted or rejected? Will she begin to love James or tell him to find someone else?
1. Chapter 1: What If?

Why me

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Just a fanfiction. So please don't sue me.

Chapter 1: crying

She turned around slowly as another tear slid down her face. She couldn't believe she was crying. The bossy, red-headed, green-eyed Lily Evans who everyone assumed never to cry was crying. No one had seen her crying before, except in her childhood years, before she had come to Hogwarts.

She turned around once more, two tears coming along with this motion wetting her favorite shirt. She saw her friends trying to comfort her with hugs that only got their shoulders wet. They were doing it out of their own kindness she knew, but she wished they would stop, didn't they understand it was no use she had been crying for who knew how long. It was as if she was crying the ocean through her eyes, it never stopped only when she was alone and no one reminded her of what he had said and done and that strange emotion that crept up on her while she had her defenses down. She remembered it clearly now as if it had happened yesterday, but it didn't, it had happened 3 days ago, he had cornered her after transfiguration...

"Lily can I-I-I...umm t-talk to you", he said with a grand difficulty as his hands shook violently, and sweat glistened down his face.

"What is it Potter", she had said bitterly, she wasn't interested in obnoxious prat standing before her, that continuously asked her out.

"I need to tell you something", he mumbled nervously as she asked him to speak louder.

"I need to tell you something" he repeated and continued, "Please Lily just listen."

"Alright Potter, but please don't waste my time", she had said as she leaning against a wall.

"I…wont…I"

"Yes Potter?"

"You know how...I- I... always stare at you during class and I'm... I'm always showing off in front of you and I dumped all my girlfriends for you and I ask you out, despite the fact that you've rejected me I think about... 97 times. And you know Lily I see your face in my dreams and when... I close my eyes I see your face, your perfect face, your green eyes and your hair. And you're attitude and everything about you. You're not pretty because you're not a little girl and you're not hot because I respect you. I know you think I'm a prick and I'm an obnoxious prat and I brag too much about everything and I know you really hate me. But I-I-I oh Bloody hell I rehearsed this with Sirius I... Lily umm I Love you. There I said it no lie and I would anything for you I'd even hex myself a million times for you just to see you smile and laugh. I just can't take this anymore Lily you drive me crazy. And I just want you to know that I love you", he finished, panting as if he had just delivered a speech to a hundred people.

When he finished he stood there waiting for her response when instead she turned and ran as she had never ran before. She ran, as James Potter stood there motionless head low as if he had just been rejected for a request of marriage...

And now Lily Evans engulfed by memories from that day, began to whimper once more as she remembered how mean she was to him. How she just ran, without saying one word to him, and how she had fought so hard against him. Not to feel anything for him, unlike all those other girls who had fallen head over heels for him. But had he confessed his love for any of them? No, Only for her. She 

had promised herself she would never ever fall for James, let alone go out with him once, no matter how many times he asked her out.

But now, she lay there, her face buried in a pillow, thinking. What if?


	2. Chapter 2: His Feelings

Why Me

Disclaimer: I own nothing at all, just thought you should know.

Chapter 2: His feelings

What am I going to do, he thought desperately. He had waited five days since his well rehearsed love confession to Lily and she hadn't uttered a word to him. Not one word. You'd think after he had spilled his heart to her, she could at least spare him a pity glance or something. Not avoiding him as if he had leprosy. But on the other hand, that was the way she had treated him since they had started Hogwarts, except meaner. She would treat him like a disease ridden person and insult him at the same time. He was so frustrated and full of curiosity. Maybe the fact that she wasn't insulting him for once was a good sign. But who knew, this was Lilly Evans he was talking about, the most confusing girl he had ever known and to conveniently fall for.

All of his friends had told him that these things took time and that he should go get some sleep, instead of worrying himself sick. But how could he sleep when this whole situation was driving him crazy? So there he lay, completely awake, thinking, while the clock continued ticking on.

He had taken his time for years waiting to tell lily he loved her and all she could do was cry. He didn't expect this reaction, he expected her to realize that he had tried to change for her. And he had changed for her because he loved her, and it wasn't a lie. He didn't know what he had done wrong or what he had said wrong, he had even rehearsed with Sirius and Remus...

"So when are you going to tell her" Sirius asked two days ago just as they were about to go to sleep.

"I don't know", James said, annoyed, as he sat on his bed.

"Well 6th years almost over"

"I know"

"So are you?"

"I don't know"

"Well you gotta tell her how you feel at some point."

"No…I… umm…I don't know", James said for the third time, putting his head in his hands. "

"What's with all the I don't knows, James? Is that all you can say in regards to miss Lilly Evans?" Said Sirius.

"No, I just… I don't think I can do this"

"Well you've got to at some point, you know, if you really want her"

"You make her sound like she's a conquest"

"Well, isn't that why you want her so badly, she's the only one you haven't been able to woo with your Jame-sy charm."

"No, James loves her. Isn't that right James?" said Remus suddenly, who had apparently been listening in on their conversation the entire time.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. You…you…_ Love_ her? " Sirius said horrorstruck. "I knew you had a thing for her, a strong thing, but I didn't think you_ Loved_ her"

"Well James, do you love her?", Remus asked seriously.

"I…Yes"

"Do you care about her"

"Yes"

"Then you should tell her"

"Will you help me?"

"Whoa Prongs, we're not telling her for you"

"No, I mean help me practice…or rehearse or something?"

"Are you kidding mate?"

"No…I don't want to screw this up. It's important"

"Okay prongs, if it's important to you, then it's important to us. Okay so first things first. Who's gonna be Lily?" said Sirius.

"I think you should be" Said Remus.

"Oh goody I can get in touch with my feminine side" Sirius said as he batted his eyelashes.

And I'll tell you if you've said anything wrong or remotely pricky", Remus said.

"Ok let's start"

"umm... Lily I need to tell you something."

"Yeees...Jamesy Poo", Sirius said in a squeaky voice.

"Padfoot be serious"

Oh right... What do you want Potter I don't want to talk to a prat"

"Padfoot..."

"Sorry couldn't help it"

"Ummm I-I-I Lily... am I doing ok Remus"

"yes. I think the stuttering helps to convey the importance of what you are trying to say to her", Remus answered wisely

"Umm... Lily I think I ummm..."

"Yees..."

"James what are you planning to tell her", Remus asked.

"That I love her"

"But are you going to tell her she's beautiful"

"Well yeah and that I love everything about her"

"Well first get started with that and then as you work up confidence then say you love her."

"Alright..."

And so they practiced all night. And the next day, when he had gathered enough courage and cornered her after tranfiuration, their last class of the day, he began. At first she had seemed confused but during the speech her face went from hard and cold to soft and caring. He thought he had done relatively well, aside from all the stuttering and all, but before he knew it she was running. And now he was lying on his bed with dark circles under his eyes, depression sinking in wondering what Lily was doing and if she was thinking of him.

A/N thanks for reading :


	3. Chapter 3: Unexpected

Why Me

Chapter 3: Unexpected

As Lily's sixth year came to an end she was forced to wipe away her tears as she walked to the Hogwarts express. She had finally stopped crying due to the fact that she did not want to start the summer with her mother asking why her eyes were red and swollen.

As she began to board the Hogwarts express, with one final glance at the castle, she sighed, this had been a long year and was for the first time in her life, happy it was over. The summer would give her an opportunity to think about all the mixed emotions she was dealing with. When she had finally found an empty compartment she entered and sat down. Then she took out her favorite charms book which she had bought her second year and had read it more than five times. After the fifth time she had gotten tired of reading it so she instead put her diary entries in it for safe keeping. She loved reading her old diary entries and looking back on the events in them.

As she began reading through them she found one in which she had described all the faults of James Potter and how he was so horrible. The entry described him an obnoxious, quidditch playing, prat, with too much of an ego and overly deflated head. She was rethinking that now, this year he had honestly tried to change and as Sirius had told her, James had changed because of... her. She wouldn't deny it, his speech made her feel special and he didn't seem like such a prat at that moment. But she still wasn't sure what to say to him, she hadn't even looked in his direction these past days. She wasn't sure if she could put everything she had thought about him, all the things he had done, behind her. What if she was just a conquest to him, what with his reputation and all. He had gotten every girl he had gone for. What if he in fact had changed for her, but how did she know that if she gave in, he wouldn't change back? What if this was all a lie? She had never been good at trusting people.

But the way he was acting these days, the day's right after his speech, were not a lie. He looked terrible. James eyes had dark circles, he was ghostly pale, and it was affecting his friends also. From what Lily's friends had informed her, he hardly ever smiled or laughed, his face lacked its usual enthusiasm. He hadn't even pulled a single prank or gotten a detention in a week, which was unhealthy for James Potter. She was beginning to feel an alien emotion for James Potter, worry. What had she done to him?

The rest of the train ride was spent reading her past diary entries and one visit from Susan, her brunette medium height friend.

"Hey Lily how are you doing? Are you okay?", Susan said with a smile.

"I'm ok", she said lifting her head up from the diary.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure"

"Is it about James?"

"Yeah..."

"I mean I just can't believe he cares so much about me. I mean I never knew...and why did he pick me to like...and now I'm just so confused, I don't know if I like him or I don't...Or if all the things he 

said were actually true. I mean can you really trust James Potter? I just don't know what to do. Except bawl my eyes out because I don't want to hurt him either…I'm so confused… I can't carry a boy's emotions on my shoulders"

"Well Lily you have to decide if you are willing to give him a chance or not"

"I don't know...I know he said he loves me…but I'm scared…I don't want him to hurt me. And I…I don't want to hurt him. I'm only used to being mean to him. I can't really imagine not."

"You should give him a chance..I know he hasn't been the greatest guy. But you can't ignore all the changes he's made this year."

" I know…I've noticed the change…but after all those years...I mean we hated each other"

"But he's changed and he's changed for ...you."

"How can I be sure of that?"

"I don't know Lilly. I guess you'll only know if you try to get to know him better. You owe him that you know, he's been trying to get your attention and get to know you for who knows how long"

"How would I do that?"

"Well you could start by saying hello and maybe calling him something other than potter or prick" Susan said laughing.

"I guess I could try to talk to him…that would make him feel a little better right? After all I don't want him committing suicide because of me"

"Of course not"

"I'll think about it..."

"Listen I've got to get back to Marry and Caroline I promised them I'd tell them how you're doing"

"Okay. Bye"

After Susan had left Lily was nearing to the end of the diary, when she found an envelope from her mother and father. She had tucked the envelope in the book not wanting to get it tearstained. She had gotten it the day James had told her he loved her. When she had run away, she went to the owlery to visit her owl which had the letter.

As she carefully opened the envelope she took out the letter and began to read. It said that Petunia was getting married to her boyfriend Vernon Dursley and the wedding was to be two weeks from now. And that Lily was invited to the wedding but not to the reception due to Petunia's wishes. Lily was not surprised she knew her sister hated her and thought she was a freak. It must have been hard for her mother to convince Petunia to invite her even to the wedding. It still stunned her at how Petunia turned so cold toward her so quick ever since she had gotten her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. Petunia's wedding was one more thing to not look forward to this summer, but none the less she was happy summer had come.

As the train began to slow she saw the train station and platform nine and three quarters through the window. When the train finally stopped allowing Lily to grab her things and make her way out of the compartment and off the train and catch up with Susan, Mary, and Caroline.

"Goodbye you guys", Lily said as she hugged them one by one.

"Goodbye Lily have a great summer", Mary the short, black haired, girl said.

"Yeah Lily have a good summer and owl me okay", said Susan with a smile.

"I'll owl all of you", Lily said returning the smile.

"Just make sure my owl doesn't fight with yours again ok. Have a good summer", said Caroline, the tall blonde said.

"I'll miss all of you" Lily said followed by another group hug.

Just then she saw James walking toward them his friends close behind.

"Look Lily its James", Susan said.

"He's going to say goodbye to you", said Caroline

"Don't cry and Lily... are you going to say something to him?" Susan asked

"I don't know, what if I go off like a waterfall again"

"You don't have to... just do what ever you want"

"I-I-I...fine I'll say goodbye."

As James approached her giving her a half hearted smile she quickly said awkwardly,

"Have a good su-summer."

"You too Lily", he said, completely surprised she had spoken to him.

"I'll write you okay"

"umm…are you sure? You don't have to…I… uh...um okay"

"Well goodbye then…James"

And with that Lily waved to her friends, spotted her parents, and then began to walk to them leaving James happier then he had been in days.


	4. Chapter 4: Why Me?

Why me

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 4: Why me

"Why do I have to wear this", Lily groaned as she looked in the mirror and saw herself in a long pink sleeveless dress that clashed horribly with her hair and was being fitted for petunia's wedding.

"You look wonderful", her mother said with a smile.

Muuumm...It's uncomfortable", she said finding it hard to breathe.

"I'm sorry Lily but Petunia wants your dress to be this way "

She probably wants me to suffocate in this she thought. It had been one week since she had come home and they had gone to a muggle bridal shop to pick out dresses for Petunia's wedding. Now she was in a dress that was way too tight for her and she wasn't enjoying one bit of it. The wedding was three days away and she was trying to act nicely toward Petunia and her weird boyfriend Vernon but it was rather difficult when they kept shooting nasty looks her way. Other than that her summer was going great and she was proud of the fact that she hadn't cried one tear.

She was still dreading writing the letter she had promised Potter, it was one of those pesky thoughts that she tried to forget about, but couldn't. She felt bad that she hadn't written yet, but she couldn't. This was too much. She had decided she didn't want to continue this any longer. She knew he was sweet, funny, nice, good looking, and he cared a lot about her. But what if something went wrong or he stopped liking her, she was scared of that. She had been seriously hurt in her fifth year in a relationship with a boy from Ravenclaw and she didn't want that to happen again. So now she was attempting to smoosh any emotions that she might've developed over him, despite how much he cared for her, and loved her, and how he changed for her and how- No she had to stop thinking of him. Luckily her thoughts were averted to her mother who had just repeated herself twice.

"Umm what did you say mum?"

"I was saying if you wanted to try on another I try on green?"

"Sorry Lily, Petunia doesn't want that color in her wedding"

Petunia was making this torture she couldn't even wear her favorite color. Maybe purple or blue would be alright.

"Mum could I try on the purple or the blue"

"Sure Lily let me get them for you; you stay in the changing room."

"Ok Mum"

After trying the blue and the purple dresses, which were just as suffocating Lily chose the blue after which they paid and then left the muggle bridal shop.

When they had finally arrived home Lily bounded up to her room, to check on her owl and feed her. But when she stepped in her room she saw not only her tawny owl, but a white and brown owl also. The owl was perched next to her own owl and hooting happily while her own hooted back. She didn't recognize this owl, she thought as she approached them and began to speak,

"Hello... who are you sweetie? You can't be Suzan's owl and you can't be Caroline's owl or Mary's...well let's see the letter", she said as she took the parchment from the owl which kept hooting softly. When she realized who the letter must be from, instead of feeling disgust or anger, she felt excitement. Angry at herself for this, she made a face, quickly opened the letter and began to read.

Dear Lily,

How is you're summer? Mine has been great, Sirius is here and he is staying with me for the summer. I know I've asked you before, but do you want to go out with me? If you say yes, please say yes, I was thinking we could go to Diagon Alley and buy our school supplies together. Well think about it and smack my owl if he's fighting with yours, he tends to do that sometimes.

Love,  
James

1 simple word successfully turned her excitement to worry. She read the word over again and her mind was sent reeling.

"Oh no, Oh no, he wrote love. What am I going to do? I'm trying to forget about this boy and he's making this harder. I can't go to Diagon Alley with him I just can't." she said as she buried her head in her hands. She couldn't do this, when she was trying to forget about him. But was forgetting about Potter what she really wanted?

A/N you like?


	5. Chapter 5: Say Hi

Why me

Chapter 5: Say hi

There Lily stood waiting for James, in a blue tank top and shorts, her lips shining with the cherry lip gloss. She didn't know what she'd expect when she came. She had debated to herself over and over again if she should come before she owled her reply back to James. Finally she had come to a decision; she would give him a chance. One chance to prove to her that his intentions were good; since she still wasn't entirely convinced that they were.

Suddenly Lily saw a boy with messy black hair emerge from behind a store corner, then look at her with wide eyes and sneak back behind it again. Lily quickly realized the boy was James but what was he doing? She pretended not to notice as he quickly glanced at her again and spoke to someone behind him. Lily was confused, why was James hiding from her? After all he was the one that asked her to come to buy school and now he was speaking with someone else, while she looked like fool waiting for him. She was growing angry, maybe she should just leave.

There she was, Lily...the most beautiful girl in the world waiting for him, in her tank top and shorts with her red hair up in a pony tail and her perfect lips. How could she look so innocent and sexy, without trying? Could there be anyone more perfect? Since he had gotten his reply from her owl that said she would come, he had been ecstatic. Too bad Sirius walked in on him dancing with his pillow; hopefully he would not use that as blackmail. He was so happy that she had said yes, that he found himself occasionally smiling and thinking about Lily. He could tell Sirius was getting annoyed of this but he couldn't help himself. Lily had finally said yes to him.

But now he didn't know what to do. He finally got the girl he adored to go out with him, and he was scared to say hello. His hands were sweaty and he was all jittery and he hated it. How pathetic was he?

"Prongs there she is just walk up to her and say hi, after all she already knows you're here", Sirius said.

"She does, are you serious?" James said nervously as he glanced back at her.

"Yeah, I think it's kind of obvious, you've been looking at her every five seconds..."

"But Sirius look at her, she's Lily"

"Yes, Prongs I know who she is... just go, you've never been shy around her before"

Padfoot you don't understand", James said as he grabbed his best friend shoulders and shook him, "this is the first time I have ever gone out with her! Out of the 97 times since fifth year that I have asked her out and this is the first time she has said yes."

"Wow you were counting"

James continued "And this might lead to more times of her saying yes and going out with me which could lead to her being my girlfriend..."

"So stop wasting your time and make it happen mate…she's walking away", Sirius said as he gave James a hard push sending him stumbling from behind his hiding place.

Walking away, James thought. No she couldn't. No he had to go get her back. Oh no she looked angry. Why did he have to mess this up within the first 5 minutes?

"Lily, wait, hold on"

"Oh would you like me to wait another 15 minutes?" she said sarcastically.

"No…no. I'm so sorry about that. It's just that Sirius…he didn't want to be left alone"

"So now he's a baby or something or were you changing your mind about this whole thing" she said defensively. She couldn't believe she was being this mean, but it was what she was used to from the past years. Plus, she was scared. She thought that he might actually have changed about liking her.

"No…of course not. I'm really happy you came. I didn't think…well I…thank you for coming" he said and smiled at her.

"You're welcome" she said, and smiled back hesitantly as they began to walk in the direction of the nearest shop.


End file.
